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Badass Saint Joseph the Worker September 16, 2012

Posted by J. in Genius, Sticks and String.
Tags: , , , , , , ,

St. Joseph the Worker by Badass Saints

I made this Badass Saint for my dear friend Bill.

He asked me awhile ago if I would make a Badass St. Jude for his godmother because Jude is her favorite Saint, and of course I took the commission. But while I was working on St. Jude, I got a clear idea in my head that Bill needs a Badass Saint of his own, and the Saint that was perfect for him was St. Joseph. It came to me as a fully-formed thought in a moment of complete clarity. I had no doubts. I didn’t need to do any research of other Saints. I knew St. Joseph was for him and that I had to make it. I believe I was divinely ordered to do so, and I don’t often argue with God. Well, I do, but I usually lose, and in this case, God and I were totally on the same page.

“Poops.” Sometimes God calls me Poops. “You need to make a St. Joseph doll for Bill. He needs a little reminder in his life that when things are hard, I’m with him.”

“I couldn’t agree more, God. That’s an awesome idea.”

“Thanks, Poops. I do have them from time to time, you know.”

St. Joseph doesn’t fit my usual mold. He wasn’t a martyr. He was one of the non-showy Saints. He was very much a supporting character, but his martyrdom was of the everyday, quiet, strong, caring kind. He gave his life for Jesus by being a dad, a provider, a husband, and a protector. He was by all accounts a good and humble man, and if there was ever a perfect intercessor for Bill, it’s St. Joseph.

So I crafted him up and when he was all done, I sent him to his new home in the Pacific Northwest. Bill sent me pictures of St. Joseph at home on his shelf, probably for the first time in his life not surrounded by his Holy Family. I imagine like most hard-working family men, Joseph appreciates the peace and quiet.

While St. Joseph was never listed in my Badass Saints shop, he still got a write-up of his own because he’s awesome.

St. Joseph the Worker

In the entire Communion of Saints–and make no mistake, that’s an expansive group–few are as widely and devoutly venerated as St. Joseph.

He was a different kind of Badass.

We don’t know much about Joseph of Nazareth. When we meet him, he’s just been made the most famous cuckold of all times, by no less than God himself. He’s just found out that the sweet young thing he’s betrothed to is preggers, and has friends all around him pestering him to stone the whore. Because that’s what you did back then. But Joseph didn’t roll that way. He was planning to break off the betrothal, call the whole thing off and just forget about it.

But then he talked with an angel. Discussed it. The angel told him to calm the fuck down and marry the girl. No, the baby’s not his, but God’s got big plans for that baby, and that baby needs a daddy. So man up and get in the game. And Joseph did.

We all know what happened next. Joseph takes his very pregnant wife to Bethlehem and by all accounts she rode his ass the whole way. She gave birth in a stable, there were shepherds that stopped by with a casserole, and three wise men from afar followed a star and came with some very expensive and impractical baby gifts. Only they weren’t that wise, because one of them forgot to update the star charts or something, and they had to stop for directions.

“So, where you all keeping that new king? We’re ready to make with the worshiping and such.”

Herod was understandably confused. “Don’t know, man. But…uh…I’d sure like to give him a bit of obeisance as well…yeah…so when you find him, let me know where he’s at, okay?”

“Cool! Okay, see ya!”

They go, they worship the Messiah, and then as they’re packing up their travel Scrabble games and filling the cooler for the ride home, an angel tells them to go back by a different route. Avoid the king. Trust me on this one. So they do.

King Herod is bullshit. He isn’t about to let some pissant upstart peasant baby take over his kingdom, so he does what any rational, sane sovereign would do: he orders every infant in the kingdom under the age of two be put to the sword. Think on that for a minute.

I know, right? Fucker.

Another angel knows what’s up and sees which way the wind is blowing. “Joseph. Dude. Wake up. Take your wife and baby and get the fuck out of Dodge. Go to Egypt where you’ll be safe. Herod’s got a wild hair across his ass and shit’s about to get fucking REAL in Bethlehem.”

Joseph does what he’s told for the second time, and again, he protects and shelters his little family and the rest, as they say, is history. Or theology, in this case. Baby Jesus grows up and fulfills his destiny, and St. Joseph’s legend ends. No gory death. No chance at martyrdom. No amazing, miraculous, badass feats. Just a word from a stranger taken to heart and quietly obeyed. A life of hard work and gentle care, of faith and love, kindness, and quiet bravery.

Joseph reminds us that most angels aren’t invisible, and they usually leave their wings at home.

St. Joseph’s feast day is celebrated on March 19 and he is the patron Saint of the whole Catholic Church all over the world. He is the patron of fathers especially, and of families, and workers. He is invoked in all matters involving home and hearth, jobs, and against doubt and indecision.

A different kind of Badass.

For our fathers and our families, for job security in an uncertain world, for a peaceful home and a happy marriage, St. Joseph, pray for us.



1. Ann Gembala - September 16, 2012

Obviously you know my son Bill very well. You certainly picked the right saint for him! He is exactly that person. Thanks!

2. I Got Your Holiday Bonus Right HERE « askpoopsplease - December 16, 2012

[…] It seems like a small thing when I say it that way, but make no mistake: it’s not. I’ve given up on so many things, or not even started them in the first place because I couldn’t break the big picture down into bits that I could handle. I never had anyone behind me pushing me when I didn’t want to keep going. He let me rest and whine and bitch about it when I needed to, and then he kicked my ass into gear so that I would keep going. And I’ve kept going all year long. And not once did he ever do it with anything other than good humor and calm resolve. […]

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