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You Could Win a Giant Light-Up Picture of the Azores* September 3, 2012

Posted by J. in Genius.
Tags: , , , , ,

Awhile ago, I asked for ideas of things I could blog about. I held a wee contest in which I sent some amazing treasures to a couple of lucky readers, one for having what I thought was the best question, and the other for just showing up and playing along.

You people are some funny and intelligent bastards. You know that, don’t you? Yeah, you do. You look in the mirror every morning and wink, point, and say “How YOU doin’?”

Well, I’m putting you back to work. I’m a lazy piece of baggage.

However, I offer prizes to compensate. I’m lazy, but I’m a giver. You love that about me, so let’s stop pretending.

The rules for the contest are the same as last time.  Here, I’ll copypasta them for you so that you don’t have to follow the link. I suspect you’re as lazy as I am. It’s why I love you back with a love for the ages. A love that dare not speak its name. A love that transcends mere words and pixels.

But I digress. The rules:

1.  The contest begins as soon as this is posted on Monday, September 3 (Labor Day, y’all!) until Monday, September 10th at midnight, which gives you the better part of a week to get in on the fun.  Any suggestions received after that time may be included in the topics list but won’t be entered into the drawing because I have to draw the line somewhere and I don’t know how long it will take me on Monday morning to compile the list and pick the winners.   Best not to take any chances and leave it to the last minute.

2.  You may enter as many times as you like.  In fact, I encourage multiple entries.  For every topic suggestion you’ll be entered into the drawing, so if you submit three ideas, your name will go in three times.  I like to reward over-achievers.

3.  No topic is off-limits, however you should bear in mind that I don’t use my blog to defend either my politics or my religion, so should your topic touch on either of those things, you may find me going wildly off-topic.  Oh, and I’ve never read and have no intention of reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, so any references to it or Dr. Who are going to also go wildly off topic because I don’t give a flying fuck about either of those things. *addendum* I feel the same way and more about My Little Pony. The only good pony is a dead pony.  You put in a topic/question about ponies and I swear by Celestia and all the other unholy gods of the underworld that I will disqualify your brohoofing ass immediately, and probably shun you as well. THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS.

Available at an Etsy shop near you. Or, on the other end of the link. Just click the picture. I made it easy.

Ahem. Moving on.

4.  I LOVE topic ideas that are fully thought-out themes.  I don’t mind one or two word topics and while it leaves the playing field wide open as to what to write about, I prefer that you tell me more specifically what you want me to write about.  Remember, I’m lazy. I reward those who do a lot of the work for me. You can ask me a question, or posit a scenario and tell me to write about it.  If you want me to look at a picture and write a short story about it, I’m willing to give it a go.  The sky is the limit, really.

That’s all you have to do. I’ll choose one winner of the best idea suggestion. To give you an idea, last year’s winning topic was

Were you looking for serious topic ideas or ones that will inspire you to write witty repartee? Ones that will plunge the depths of your twisted psyche and summon both demons and angels from your restless id…or ones that’ll give you moist knickers?  I think you should start with Motherhood and all the lies it entails. You could write volumes on it, I’m certain, but maybe you could do a short series on it.  If not that, then write about tits. People always like to read about tits.

Yorkie got herself a fantastic little ceramic incense burner that I dug out of the deep recesses of the Cave of Wonders known as Tanta’s Barn.

It could happen to you.

*But you will not win my giant light-up picture of the Azores. I might show it to you, but it’s among my most treasured possessions. Can’t have it. But I have other great things. Don’t you worry.



1. Beeby - September 3, 2012

PBSKids is raping my fucking childhood. For the second time, I might add. I was moderately okay with The Electric Company regurgitation because I was never big on The Electric Company as a kid anyway. But this Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood has me unable to string words together about it.

2. lennygrey - September 3, 2012

A musician in my family has co-written a song called Gilded By Gaslight, and I’d be interested to see where you’d take a story with that title or image.

3. buffythebitchslayer - September 6, 2012

I’m having a hard time thinking up anything past child-rearing since that seems to be consuming my life right now.

Have you written about how you balance church and erotica yet? Do you have Catholic guilt rear it’s ugly head ever?

There are a small group of moms at my daughter’s private Lutheran school that are all closet fuckery lovers. We private message each other with various bits of fuckery all day long. This includes the principle’s wife. That balance between how people expect us to act and how we actually act always has interested me.

4. I Never Share Needles « askpoopsplease - September 6, 2012

[…] just a reminder that you have until Monday to enter my contest and help me find stuff to write about.  Don’t wait until the last minute! Or wait, it really […]

5. geoduck - September 6, 2012

Which is worse, the Star Wars Special Editions, or My Little Pony? Discuss.

6. krysstyllanthrox - September 6, 2012

I’d like your take on reality tv, all sorts. Is Snooki an oompa loompa or just a plague on humanity? Are you upset/bothered that you know what a Snooki is? Or do you love it and suck greedily at the teat of cheap tv that is being shoved down our throats as entertainment?

Leading off of the reality tv prompt, what do you think of the glorification of celebrity? Both of being a celebrity and with celebrities. i.e. Little Tammy Sue thinks she is way hotter than Paris Hilton/Kim Kar-whatshertits/ass, or whoever is the next ‘famous’ twit of the moment and also is obsessed with the TomKat, BrAngelina, other cutesty mashup name that makes me want to hurl.

7. krysstyllanthrox - September 6, 2012

A few more as I’ve thought of them.

Twilight: vampires or mosquito fairies?

One thing that has been on my nuts lately (so to speak), the glorification of the mother. As in, females that haven’t (or can’t) reproduce are somehow less.

Chickens: fowl, scared people, what have you, writers choice.

The obsessions with organics, vegan, raw diets, etc.

Are cartoons better now or when you were young?

There. I think I’m done. For now.

8. Gary M. - September 9, 2012

Ok, lets touch on the two topics you said you wouldn’t discuss; a devout (?) Catholic with multiple gay friends. I honestly believe folks who have strong opinions one way or another on this never have to face the reality of having strong faith and friendship loyalty.

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