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It Seems Rude to Put You to Work July 11, 2011

Posted by J. in Genius.

Yeah, I know.  Any time I feel the need to start a blog post with an apology for my absence seems like it’s going to be a bad post.  I don’t mean to be away for such long periods, but can I help it if my creativity understands not the desires of my reading public?  Can I?  Nay, I cannot.

Irony. It's what's for breakfast.

I’ve been creative as shit lately, but in a hands-on, make-some-stuff way and not in a cerebral write-some-stuff way.  Some knitting, and I’ve found myself embroidering these days.  You wanna know why?  Because Etsy is pissing me off again.

What else is new?

Their front-page darlings and special e-mail newsletter picks are always, and I mean ALWAYS, some simple backstitching on plain fabric and framed in a fucking embroidery hoop.  Sometimes it’s one word.  Or a bunch of v’s.  Seriously.  And this one embroiderer who I WILL NOT PIMP HERE AND DRIVE EVEN MORE BUSINESS TO HER SHOP (because seriously, she’s probably on the front page even as we speak) has the unmitigated gall to call the v’s in question her “signature wishbone stitch.”  Here’s a fucking newsflash, cupcake: that stitch has been around for-fucking-ever.  Just because it’s one of the two stitches you know how to do doesn’t make it “signature.”  It’s like that other person who has a shop full of items made entirely in double-crochet (that’s all, that ONE stitch) and she claims that because she does it all the time she’s better at it than any other crocheter on Etsy.

I have such a fucking rage boner right now.  Starting to go all Poops-Hulk over here.  Must take a deep breath and count to ten.  1…2…3…


Sometimes the front page picks aren’t even done by hand.  Don’t get me started on the crafters that are machine-embroidering a design and framing it in a hoop, then not mentioning anywhere in the listing that a machine did the actual stitching.

I do not understand it.  I’ve done embroidery for years.  I embroidered my own wedding gown.  I learned it from my mother who, while not whipping up culinary masterpieces in the kitchen, was stitching like a mofo.  Detailed embroidery.  Well-done embroidery.  Not something that looks like it was done by a fourth-grade Girl Scout trying to earn her Clever Crafter badge.

Know what I thought?  I thought, “Poops could do that, and do it better.”

So I did.  But you want to hear something crazy?  Joann’s at the Belknap Mall no longer carries wood embroidery hoops.  When I worked there, they were a buck or less and we had a fuckton of them in the dump tables in the store.  Cases of them in the back.

Now, they have plastic ones for machine embroidery or hand embroidery but no wood ones with the little brass screws.

What the fuck is up with that?

And Walmart, always a bastion for cheap crafting supplies, has no embroidery supplies at all.  No floss, no hoops, no needles, nothing.

So I had to order some hoops online and they’re currently on a truck somewhere on the way to Chateau Poops.  I hate it, but I figured if I can’t beat them, I might as well join them.  I ordered two 5″ hoops and bought two 4×6 rectangles at Walmart, and two of the 4″ hoops.  I’m going to order more, but for right now, I have 6 finished bits of embroidery and only two hoops to put them in.

Here’s where you come in.

Below are my 6 designs vying for the first two hoops.  Help me decide which two should go in the shop first.  Just leave a comment with the number of your two picks, I’ll tally, and use those first.

Not that it matters a whole lot, but isn’t it fun when the Internet is interactive?  Of course it is.  Here are your choices:

Of course when they’re done and in the hoop, I’m going to photograph them in my new light box set-up that I just bought on the eBay.  I’m going to angle them artfully and make them look like they just jumped out of a Hipster catalog.  And I’m going to win.

WIN, do you hear me?




1. MouthyMavensMusings - July 11, 2011

I like 3 and 4 but that’s just because I can’t read 2…

2. Christina Hammond - July 11, 2011

I *WANT* #3 so fucking bad, I can taste it…

so that’s the one I vote for…

3. Aquarianshoes - July 11, 2011

Same here. But five and six sum up my week.

4. The Enforcer Knits - July 11, 2011

#3 is awesome. I vote for that one. Also, #6 makes me happy!

5. bezzie - July 11, 2011

I vote #3.
Ha ha, Hipster catalog–so.damn.true!

6. Tasha Gurl - July 11, 2011

Just one??? 3 is my fave, but 5 & 6 are very appealing!! Poops, your creativity never fails to amaze me!

7. Pippa Posey - July 11, 2011

Love #3 and #6 Poops. If I had to choose one…then #3 it is. Excellent.

8. Joan - July 11, 2011

I like #3, and #4 is a veryclose second.

9. AudreyGS - July 12, 2011

Number 3 for general consumption, but love them all! Tried to respond on KB, but graphic porn had invaded your thread, sadly. I enjoy a good graphic as much as the next sexy broad, but this was beyond the pale on a PG board. I give up!

10. Weeza - July 12, 2011

Another vote for #3 closely followed by #2. Just one more row, how often do we say it? And how often do we really mean JUST one more row?

11. Rebel - July 13, 2011

Also – I’m seriously impressed with your satin stitch (is that what it is?) on #3. I’ve started doing embroidery again. Although I’ll be the first to admit, all I know how to do is back-stitch but at least I know there’s more to it than that. So I’m doing a sampler and getting a feel for all the different stitches. It’s very cool when done properly!

12. Chriscatsknits - July 13, 2011

I have to say #3 although I really like your breakfast one,

13. Batty - August 10, 2011

I think 6 — I could really use a drink and doubt I’m the only one.

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