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WTF Friday 3.0: Things That Make You Go Hmmm… February 25, 2011

Posted by J. in Genius.

I’m gonna sneak this one in under the wire.

Remember when I told you how cool the stats feature is on WordPress? Well, one of the things they keep track of for me is what terms people type into search engines to get to my site.

I get a lot of “wtf” bringing people in, and lately quite a few featuring the words “tattoo under boob” or other variations. But one just caught my eye that I have to share with you:

battery exploded in vagina

"No regular battery looks like it, or lasts like it."

What the fuck?

Just let it sink in for a second. Now, I may swear like a sailor, but I’m quite certain I’ve never used that combination of words in my blog at any time. Well, until right now, that is.  It’s not featured in any photos I’ve posted.  I have no idea how the hell that particular string of words got a visitor to my blog.  (But if you’re reading this with an exploded battery in your cooter…thanks for stopping by!  Now head to the ER.  Good Lord.)

My first thought was I’d uncovered a new (to me) fetish, in which case I’m beginning to feel like the Vasco da Gama of internet porn blogging.

My second thought was “marital aid” accident.  I’d heard tell ’round the wharfs that small electronic appliances can and sometimes do overheat.  (And if you’re reading this because you had a rabbit catch fire on you…welcome!  Now head to the ER and try to pace yourself next time.  Mother of Pearl Bailey.)

I wasn’t aware that batteries–and I mean the ordinary household alkaline variety–actually could explode.  Do they? Can they?  They leak if you leave them in a device (or, I would imagine, any bodily orifice) for a long time, but I’ve never seen one actually go KABOOM.

Do batteries explode if you toss them in a fire? It says right on the package not to dispose of them in a fire.

How hot does your vagina have to get to explode a battery?

See, now I’m tempted to type battery exploded in vagina into a couple of search engines just to answer my own questions.

And that is how stuff like this gets started.  In case you were wondering.



1. Jenn in RI - February 26, 2011

My sister and I set a tick on fire in the driveway a couple of summers ago. There was a bit of an exciting explosion with that. Quite an output relative to the size of the drafted creature. Said creature had just been removed from my Dad and had been sucking his lifeblood out, as a rule we do not set innocent creatures on fire. I have no particular reference point to batteries and bajingos.

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