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WTF Friday: God on a WHEEL February 11, 2011

Posted by J. in Genius.

My separated-at-birth alter ego Annie wins the award this week for providing me with my WTF Friday moment.  Hey girl, holla!

First, there’s a bit of back story for y’all’s edification.

It all started with our discussion of the morning Emma was exasperated with me about something.  I was likely nagging her to get ready, since if you don’t constantly ride her she gets distracted and never finishes what she is supposed to be doing.

“Emma, it’s time to get dressed.”  Emma takes off her pajamas and while putting them in the laundry, she stops to play with a bottle of hand lotion on the bathroom counter.

“Emma, get dressed.”  She leaves the hand lotion with a sigh and pulls a shirt on and gets into one sock before stopping to muse aloud why there are only witch feet on her Halloween socks and not the whole witch.

“Emma, are you dressed yet?  Get dressed.”  After tossing her jeans around and looking all around the area, she gets up and goes back to the bathroom where five minutes later she’s playing sans pants with one of Dave’s matchbox cars she found in her underwear drawer.

“Emma, why aren’t you dressed yet?  What in the holy hell is taking so long?”

“Christ on the CROSS, Mama, I can’t find my underpants!”

We had arrived at what the parenting blogs call “a teachable moment.”  Now, please bear in mind that I am a better cautionary tale than I ever will be a good example, and as such I probably used that same epithet no less than three times that morning in my daily Herculean challenge of getting all the kids up, fed, dressed, and off to school.  I am also acutely aware that the teachable moment just dropped into my lap involves a hearty dose of hypocrisy, but as she’s only six, I cross my fingers and hope she won’t notice.

“Emma, that’s not nice to say.”

“Sorry.”  She searches for a more appropriate expression.  “Christ on a cracker…”

Okay, so she missed why the first one was off-sides.  Hard to explain to a Catholic kid why using the Lord’s name in vain is wrong when no one–and I mean NO ONE–blasphemes better than the Catholics.  Still, I tried again.  “Um…not any better, Monkey.”

She sighs, more vexed than ever.  “Well… then… Christ and niblets.”

I let her keep it.  It’s a part of the family lexicon now.  Emma is a blaspheming prodigy.

Anyway, in lieu of any version of Christ plus a random medium, Annie will interject “God on a wheel” as her personal favorite transgression against the second commandment (or the third if you’re Protestant).   Annie was telling us how her mother doesn’t like it when she uses that particular expression, and how she tried to defend it as merely being a quote from someone else, so she showed her the clip and her mom totally didn’t get it and didn’t think it was funny…

Wait.  What clip?  “God on a wheel” is from something?  Do tell.

I just about pissed my pants laughing.

And, because there are just so many WTF things about this clip–the hat, the jewelry, Milton Berle, this shithole, and of course, God on a wheel–Royce and Marilyn win the top honor as the What-the-Fuckiest thing I’ve seen all week.

Godspeed, ladies.



1. elizabeth M. - February 15, 2011

The younger kids are much more natural blasphemers than the older ones. They lose their innocence much earlier.

2. Cindy in Happy Valley - February 16, 2011

In our house you ate what my mom cooked. And for good or ill that meant a lot of Lebanese dishes (my dad was Lebanese). For the most part, we loved it -except for my picky brother who loved Spaghetti O’s. He did eat kroush mahshieh (which I’ll let you look up on your own). Odd choice for a picky eater.

3. Cindy in Happy Valley - February 18, 2011

I apparently cannot read and posted this on the wrong, post…..ah well.

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